i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
