she looked like the bat from fern gully.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
