You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well I just put wine in my tea
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
