I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
