i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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