you would pick up someone in the library
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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