he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
