I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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