Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
This toilet bowl is my home.
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