remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
