so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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