He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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