Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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