I think my vagina is haunted
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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