Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
too bad you live with your parents still
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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