Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
