Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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