Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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