So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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