why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
