Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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