people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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