Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
