Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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