he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
