Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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