It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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