So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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