Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
