New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
