I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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