Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
