I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Houston, we have a squirter
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
