You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
