Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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