I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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