You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
