She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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