You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
