girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
