the gays at disneyland are vicious
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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