The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
