Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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