I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
