If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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