Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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