You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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