I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
