She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
