Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize