The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
