I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
