so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
North Korea, Best Korea!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
