It's Friday. Sex?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
