I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
