last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
