I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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