i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize