no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
