I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
