U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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