This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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