after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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