Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
