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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
