So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize