You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have already put on my inside pants.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
