Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
