Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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