They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
