Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
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